Isolation

I was isolated out in a house my family owns along the river so I had a lot of time to think to myself. When my family and friends would come to check on me I usually would pretend I was preoccupied and pray they would leave quickly. I couldn’t face them. I was taking my prescribed anxiety and pain medication at the time, way over the recommended amount because I didn’t want to face myself. All the while the feeling that I was going down the wrong path was growing in my heart and mind. My own family seemed to be breaking under the pressure of what I had done and I began thinking that if my family feels this way, what kind of hell Vincent’s family and loved ones must be going through. I couldn’t shake that thought and then asked myself, what is more important, how many years I spend in prison or my life and my soul for the rest of my days? The answer was clear to me, forget the legal side of this tragedy and the right thing was simple and always right in front of me. After I told my family about my decision to simply take responsibility and plead guilty, we sought out a lawyer who was a friend of the family and I knew I could trust. They contacted the prosecutor’s office and still weeks went by with no charges. A new emotion began to take hold in me and I was filled with desire to take all of this pain I had caused, and turn it into something that could hopefully open people’s eyes. To see what I didn’t. I knew I couldn’t do it on my own and in the weak state I was in I desperately need guidance. -Matthew Cordle

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One thought on “Isolation

  1. So often when tragedies like this happen, the general public is only given insight into the impact on the victim and the victim’s family. Of course, their grief is unimaginable. Matthew is giving us such a keen insight into what happens to the person responsible, particularly when that person is a person has a conscience and understands the gravity of what they have done. It is so easy to look at the perpetrator of a horrible incident and think of them as some kind of monster. Matthew really challenges to rethink that and to have faith in the notion of remorse, something I think that most people think just isn’t real anymore. I can’t imagine what it was like all those months to live with the knowledge of what he had done and to deal with the uncertainty of what was next. That he made it through with such conviction is truly a blessing. My own family was victimized late last year when my aunt was murdered in her home. The perpetrator of that crime is still at large though the police believe they know who it was and that they will eventually get an arrest. I understand that what happened with Matthew and that are VERY different, but I often wonder if there is an arrest and remorse is expressed, will I be able to accept it as sincere? I don’t know the answer to that yet, but I appreciate Matthew showing us the other side of a news story and challenging the way such stories are typically perceived. I hope that made sense!!! 🙂

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