Still wondering why I wasn’t charged right away?

I want to continue now with some of the events that followed the crash and I will try to get back into my mindframe at the time. It may be jumbled so I ask that my sister helps by adding her point of view to explain situations better and even filling in things that I may have forgot. I may be repeating myself but the first thing after waking up I just remember seeing the faces of my family around me and I knew that what had happened was real. I’ll never forget what their faces looked like, a mix of unconditoional concern but more so I could read anger and resentment in their eyes. I had tested them again and again by not being the man I should have been and I felt in that moment that I was forsaken. The emotions are simply impossible to describe but I dont think I was capable of truly grasping how much suffering I had caused and felt numb. I said many times that it felt like I was on a different planet, lost, disconnected. My sister offered to let me recover at her house and my mother had flown in to help take care of me. The first few weeks passed by in a fog. I was unsure why they hadn’t charged me yet and felt despicable walking around, it seemed like people could see right through me. Fear and self-preservation were in my mind and I met with lawyers in hope of escaping prison time. The laywers wanted me in treatment, which I did, and wanted to bring in “experts” to refute the blood tests and say the procedure, testing, etc were faulty. I’m not knocking the lawyers though, it is their job to defend their client and I was the one asking them to get me out of this mess. For some reason, I still wasn’t charged with the crime but I see it as fate, it gave me time to realize what I had to do. When I was in alcohol treatment, the lawyers had asked me not to reveal to much about the crash because there was a chance some of the other patients or even counselors could be subpoened. So I was in treatment to deal with these issues but I couldn’t talk about them, at that point I knew the route I was taking was wrong. -Matthew Cordle

 

When Matt really woke up for the first time in the hospital and we were all standing around him, there were a lot of emotions. He is right in what he said and must have read it on our faces. We all love him so much it hurts, but at the same time he did something so terrible that none of us condone. My family is extremly close though and we all stick by each other no matter what. That’s what family means. We realized he was going to be (physcially) okay and panic mode set in. Many family meetings happened at the hospital, my house and over the next month as we tried to figure out what to do next. I would be lying if I didn’t encourage Matt to figure out a way out of this, use the law in his favor, get the most expensive lawyer. It was all for selfish reasons. We still don’t know why Matt wasn’t immediately arrested. Honestly after a month had gone by I seriously started to question if maybe they had forgotten? Maybe he wouldn’t be arrested? I would like to think my family is well educated so we knew better…..but had we not known I would have really thought that Matt had “gotten out of this mess”. Staying at my house I could see Matthew going thru many emotions. We all were. I started finding myself wanting to know more about Vincent and his family. Matt went to an outpatient rehab facility, my father drove him everyday. But hes right, it was pointless. He couldn’t talk about anything, which only frustrated and angered him. After spending a few weeks at my house, he moved up to our families river house. Although he was alone….we called him everyday and my grandparents stopped by everyday to check on him. He was just in state of limbo at this point.- Sarah Alasya (sister)  

 

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Because I said I would

because I said I would
I want to explain something to everyone who has questions about it. Lately a lot of people have been writing to me and asking me why I chose Because I said I would to make the video with me. When I sent the message to Alex Sheen, I was already aware of the things he had done to better society and raise awareness. The most notable event was where he walked across Ohio to raise funds and awareness for the three incredible women held captive by Ariel Castro. He also raised enough money to send one hundred children with cancer to Disney World. When I saw the media surrounding these events I saw a man whose motivation wasnt notoriety or wealth but a desire to better the world. At the point I was at in dealing with my own guilt and despair, I somehow knew I could trust Alex and would defer to what he thought was best. The first time I spoke with him I knew I had placed my faith in the right person as we had a similar mindframe as to what would make an impact. I told him about the tragedy and together we came up with a plan to create awareness, prevent others and hopefully make some sort of difference so others won’t choose the same path I did. We spent a short time together but we were of the same mind when it came to the video and our conviction to see the promise through. No matter what was thrown at us. It was a lifetime of emotions in a very short time and there isn’t a better person I could have picked to keep me forward and help me through it. Because I said I would is trying to create a bridge to a better world.- Matthew Cordle

Lessons Learned

I received a very thoughtful card from Mr. Canzani’s ex-wife. It still blows my mind of her strength and ability to forgive me after what I have done to her and her loved ones, she is truly an amazing woman. She included a photo of Vincent and I have to admit that it made my heart sink and is difficult to look at. Seeing him look so vibrant and full of life is a struggle knowing I am the one who robbed him of it but I know it is part of the healing process. I placed the photo in my photo album because in a way I feel very close to him, yet I barely know anything about him. His friends and family have graciously offered to tell me about him. This tragedy has not only saved my life, but taught me a lesson about the love and forgiveness of those who I have hurt and it shows the true strength of humanity. To those out there who may be similar to me in regards to substance abuse or mental health issues my best words of advice is to do the best you can to take care of yourself day-to-day because one moment of complacency is all it takes to lose everything….keep moving forward. -Matthew Cordle