January 9, 2014

Friday, June 21st, 2013. One of my best buddies let me know that he had reserved us a table at a joint called Bar Louie. My family was also celebrating my cousins 12th birthday, so I stopped over at my aunts house early in the night for dinner . I cant remember what time it was that I left but I do remember being asked if I was headed home. See, it was common knowledge among my family that I had a problem with alcohol and they did the best they could to support me, hence them asking, rather pleading, that I stay in on a friday night. I lied, as I always did, and told them of course I wasn’t going out. I don’t know exactly when I became such a liar but when your whole life is filled with secrets, lying is much more convenient. I’ve been called a “weekend warrior” for separate reasons. First, because of my dedication to getting extremely intoxicated every weekend. When you continually binge drink your body loses the ability to process the amount of alcohol and you “blackout” quicker and quicker. I say this because the next part is incredibly hazy to me between being heavily intoxicated and being in critical condition. I am in no way making an excuse for my actions that night by saying “I blacked out”. I am intelligent enough to know that taking a drink impairs you, yet I chose to drink anyway. I got to Bar Louie around 10pm or 11pm, my whole group of friends were already there and I remember having a great time seeing everyone. We ordered drink after drink, shot after shot, and from here is where my memory gets hazy. I was told we went to two more bars that night but apart from choppy memories, I have no recollection of that. From what I’ve heard, at some point in the night I simply up and took off. -Matthew Cordle


3 thoughts on “January 9, 2014

  1. I hope Matt is able to get transferred soon. All this time to dwell on the events that brought him to this point is not a good thing. Yes, he needs to process this, but not alone in a cell while on lockdown. Keep your head up, Matt. Don’t let the demons of the past consume you,

  2. We all have to hit a point that we consider our lowest to get better. Rejoice in the fact that you have hit your bottom and it is nothing but the top from here! Don’t forget the past but don’t dwell on it. Nothing you can say or do can turn back the hands of time. Now is the time to get better and change your life so you don’t make the same mistakes. Addiction is a hard road but I have often thought that recovery may be even harder. You are never fully recovered because you never fully forget but I believe that forgetting is opening the door for the past to repeat. We have to set lines for the person we were, the person we are, and the person we can be. We have to remember the person we were, change the person we are, and set our sights on the person we can be! ❤

  3. Matt you are going to drive your self nuts thinking should of could of would of you cant do that you need to focuse on your self in there you cant think about what is going on out here that is letting your time do you and that is not what you want trust me when you start focusing on your self your time will fly bye I promise you. stay strong you will be home soon

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